savannah storytelling

Alexander Graham Bell was awarded a patent for the telephone in 1876.  Somewhere deep in his genius mind, he must have wondered if the telephone was a mistake, because according to Wikipedia.com, he later considered his famous invention an intrusion and refused to have a telephone in his study.  I wonder what he would think of his little invention today.

Remember the party line telephone, when we shared a line with someone else?  It worked fine; no one received many calls back then.  An operator answered the telephone and we would give her the number we wanted.  We finally got a private line, and then came the black rotary telephone.  Most families had only one instrument and it sat in the hall on a little doily covered table. Now, I live in five rooms and have five telephones, plus my cell.

Next came the push button phone with cordless and cell phones coming close behind.  With the advent of the cell, personal communication exploded.  Now, there is no end to what can be done with a phone.  We can send e-mail, listen to music, watch DVD, record our voice, take pictures, play games, and text. At least half a dozen new ways to use a phone are probably being developed as I write this article.

The important question is this?  Has the telephone improved our quality of life? Of course it has.  I only have to think of how much safer I feel having my cell phone when I am out at night by myself.  However, it has brought some frustrations.  Maybe we can’t blame it on the telephone itself, but on the people who design telephone systems.

If you’ve ever made a doctor’s appointment or conducted business over the phone, you will identify with the following scenarios:

Scenario #1

Recorded message:  “This is Medical Associates.  If this is an emergency, hang up and call 911.  Please listen carefully as our menu has recently changed.  If you are a doctor or a pharmacist, press 1, if you want to speak to someone about your bill, press 2, if you want to make an appointment, press 3, if you are a patient and want to speak to a nurse, press 4.

Then there will be another ring, and another automated voice will say: “ For Doctor  “Smith, press 1, for Doctor Jones, press 2, for Doctor Whatever, press 3,etc… until all doctors  in the group are mentioned. When you press the correct number, you will get another automated message: “This is Doctor Whatever’s nurse.  I am not at my desk right now.  Please leave your name, your telephone number, insurance information, and purpose of this call.  I will call back as soon as possible.  Please note that all calls made after 1PM may be returned the following day.”

It’s obvious that the sick patient is last in line of importance, when he should be first.

Scenario #2 (True account of what happened to me recently)

First attempt to contact my computer Internet provider:  An automated voice answers:

“Hello, we are experiencing an unusually heavy volume of calls, please call another time.”

Second call, several hours later: “Hello, we are experiencing a heavy volume of calls.  If you wish to hold, wait time may be 60 minutes.”

Third attempt, next morning at 7:30 AM:

An automated voice answers. “Hello, If  you wish to continue in Spanish, please press 1. If in English, stay on the line. This is your Internet Helpline, please give your name, telephone number, address, and password.  In order to get you to the right technician, please say what your problem is.

“I have no Internet service,” I respond.

“You have no Internet service,” repeats the perky automated voice, “Let’s go through a series of steps that may help you retrieve your service. Sometimes, it is a simple thing as rebooting the modem…”

“I’ve already done all that.” I break in. “I need to speak to a technician.” We go around and around, three times, with the voice repeating that we should go through the easy steps and with my insisting that I should talk to a technician. Finally when I’m almost yelling at the machine, I hear, “Let me connect you to a technical advisor.”

A tech answers, but there is static on the line and we can’t communicate.  Thinking it must be on my line, I say that I will try another phone. He doesn’t hear me because of the static and hangs up.  Incidentally, the static turned out to be on his end.

Fourth attempt:  I call again and have to go through the painful rigamarole with the perky automaton until I get to the tech.  From his accent, I have to assume he is in India, but we finally communicate and I’m back on the Internet.  Because I’ve  had this problem frequently, I made an appointment for a real live human type person to come to my house and check my computer system.

No, I don’t want to go back to the party line telephone or the rotary phone and lose the wonderful communication devices we enjoy today. However, once in a while when I find myself arguing with a machine, I fantasize that it would be lovely to pick up the telephone and hear a melodious feminine voice say, “Number Please!”